“We can’t do that!”
During my recent break, me and my partner spent a couple of days in the Lake District. Beautiful, tranquil place. We stayed in a nice hotel and it was here that some old challenges came up in a new disguise for me.
We had ham sandwiches for lunch, really yummy ones, but we couldn’t eat them all. No problem, we were going to put the leftovers in the fridge in our room.
Except there was no fridge. Well, that’s that, I thought.
“No problem,” my partner said, “we’ll ask reception to pop them in their fridge overnight.”
“We can’t do that!” I blurted out. I felt my face flush with embarrassment. What was he thinking?!
“Why not?”
“Because…”
Ohhhhh. Because… nothing. Because I feel inexplicably embarrassed at the very idea of imposing on the hotel. Yes, that’s how I felt about it. That it felt like an unreasonable request. My logical brain told me that it really wasn’t.
I paused. What’s the worst that could happen? Reception could say ‘No’ and I could feel more embarrassed. So what?
Could I live with that feeling? Yes. Ok then.
And then, hang on, why hadn’t I thought of asking the hotel to store our sandwiches? I should have thought of that. It’s so obvious.
My partner asked the receptionist if we could store our sandwiches in their fridge overnight and they were more than happy to. No drama.
Oh, but the test was yet to come.
The following evening when we ate dinner in the hotel bar I meant to ask reception on the way back to our room if I could borrow a hairdryer. Except that I forgot. I was looking forward to luxuriating in a bath and washing my hair and not being left with freezing cold wet hair at the end of it.
“I’ll just pop down to reception and see if they have a hairdryer” I said to my partner.
“Why don’t you call them and ask them to bring one up to the room?”
I was about to say I can’t do that! When I caught myself. Ah! Here’s a better excuse:
“Who knows when they’ll get around to bringing it up though.”
“Why don’t you ask them when they can bring it up?”
My partner had thought of everything.
I felt the flutters of yesterday’s panic and embarrassment. Yet I knew it was all okay really. I knew that the hotel had responded warmly to my partner’s request yesterday.
Again, I asked myself, what’s the worst that could happen? They could say ‘No’ and I could feel embarrassed. Can I live with that? Yes.
I called reception and the loveliest lady answered the phone. Yes, she could bring a hairdryer up to our room. When could she do that? As soon as she got off the phone with me.
And she did.
And I felt ridiculously grateful. Like she had run to the local supermarket especially to buy me one and bring it back to me.
Like I didn’t deserve all that attention.
Ooohhhhh. Ouch.
Isn’t it funny how we think we have learnt something, only for that lesson to come back around in a different way to see if we really have learnt it?
I had thought I had learnt to ask for what I need and want. Lol.
I thought I had learnt that I am as deserving of attention as anyone else.
I have learnt those things. At some level. And I am still learning those things. A wise lady told me recently that life is a spiral. We keep circling back to learn what we need to learn.
And again, why didn’t I think of calling reception? It was obvious to my partner and not to me.
Here is the space where I choose self-compassion. That’s a big shift for me. In the past I would have beaten myself up for having the same sort of issues AGAIN. Now I can own that part of me that doesn’t feel comfortable asking for what I want and need, be gentle and kind with myself – and not take myself too seriously.
I can reassure myself that it wasn’t obvious to me to identify the choices my partner came up with. I, like everyone else, is used to doing things in certain ways and it’s the easy route for my brain to continue to do them the same way. We don’t know what we don’t know.
And I can congratulate myself on trying a different way of doing things, stepping outside my comfort zone, not knowing how it was going to turn out.
It’s just taking that one next step. And having compassion for yourself whatever happens.
What is your one next step? And how do you choose to talk to yourself about it?
Thanks for reading. If you would like some professional 1:1 support with building boundaries, confidence and healthy relationships, let’s talk.
Please leave a comment below with your thoughts.