We often think when we meet the right person they will be our inspiration to be the best we can be and grow into that awesome, happy, inspiring person ourselves.
The trouble is we attract what we put out there. If we think we don’t deserve very much, chances are we are going to attract someone who thinks the same, doesn’t give us very much, or doesn’t stick around for long.
So before you go looking for Mr or Miss Right, you need to look inwards and ask yourself “Would my ideal mate want to be with me?” If the answer is “No”, it’s time to get to work on yourself.
Working on Yourself
There are a number of areas to address:
1. Learning to love yourself is key. When we love ourselves, we respect ourselves and our self confidence increases. Confidence is sexy. Confidence attracts.
2. Spend time figuring out what it is that you enjoy, just for yourself. Get involved in activities, hobbies, events and projects that light you up. This is doubly good – you are doing things that you enjoy with people who also enjoy it and you are learning more about yourself. You are not making yourself bend out of shape and adapt to uncomfortable situations to suit another person. You are putting your needs and wants first, which is important, because it is your job to do that.
3. Relax! Pursuing your interests also takes the pressure off of you to meet the love of your life right now. Patience dear one.
Remember too that if you are busy being truly you, you are sending out the message that it is okay for you to be you and therefore it is okay for your potential partner to be totally themselves. That is healthy and honest and means there won’t be any expectations for you to be other than you are.
Spending time by yourself for yourself also reinforces that you can live without a relationship. It’s perfectly okay to be single. It’s okay to want a partner too, but knowing you can live without one is going to help you maintain your standards in looking for a partner. If you look from a place of desperation or neediness, that will put off the people you probably want to attract.
The less you need a partner, the better a partner you will become and ultimately, the healthier a partner you will attract.
4. Put effort into developing yourself. After all, if you want to attract a high quality mate, you need to be high quality too! Get reading, learn something new, go to a meet-up, visit a new place.
5. Before you start dating again, set your standards high. Write them down and stick to them. This is you honouring the new you. You know deserve only the best, whatever your version of best is.
Then, and only then, put yourself out there, with confidence and self respect. Mr or Miss Right will find you soon enough.
Whatever happens, you will be happier just being you.
Happiness is an inside job after all.
An edited version of this article was first published in the Life Coach Directory.
Thanks for reading. If you have any challenges around changing old patterns or people pleasing that you would like some support with, let’s have a chat about how I can help. I offer a free, no obligation, introductory session where you can experience my coaching firsthand.